Updated: Nov 8, 2021
People like to talk about people.
Single women over a certain age seem to be a very easy target for slander (at the worst) and misguided speculation (at best) by men and women because, basically, they live outside of societal norms.
Here are a few myths and untruths, half-truths and outright lies about me that I have heard, and also those which I have unearthed, being said about me over the years.
She is lonely
This is untrue.
I have actually now given up on explaining to people that I enjoy my solitude, I never feel lonely and I have a lot of different projects and activities to fill my time, even though (shock!) I am not married and don't have kids.
If you have never lived alone for enough time to really feel all the way into it, you can't appreciate the singular pleasure of being completely and utterly your own boss, on your own time. And the peace is bliss!
I am also very aware of when I have had too much alone time and I need to socialise and reconnect. Single people have a spidey sense about these things and the more self-sufficient of us know the right balance between being active in the world and staying in alone. My balance, as a creative person who needs to recharge a little more, may look lonely to you, but I promise it is not.
And I definitely don't need the judgement as to the appropriate level of extraversion, thanks!
She is crazy/unstable
Emotional, yes. Unstable, no.
Again, another single woman trope. The mad cat lady. The unstable artist. The unhinged jilted lover.
These are all labels that are ascribed to single women of a certain age.
This one doesn't even deserve a rebuttal. I don't have cats. I don't really like cats. And I meditate, pray and journal. Plus I make a lot of lists.
I go through normal female mood swings, maybe a little heightened when I have had a drink or two. Not unstable. Just sometimes drunk and sometimes hormonal i.e normal.
It is very possible, however, that I may be a crazy list maker. So shoot me.
She is promiscuous
I wish this was true.
I may have had a few wild nights when I was younger but sometimes crickets chirp for years in between dates, let alone anything else. The honest truth? I don't care about it as much as you assume. And women, generally, are different from men in this regard.
The label of promiscuity is often cast by people who are probably talking about themselves (projection anyone?) or jealous women who know it's a cheap and easy way to slander another woman.
You can ask my neighbours. I think they are seriously worried about my love life.
She has a secret boyfriend/live-in lover
Nope, there is no one hiding under the staircase, in the spare room, in the bathroom or anywhere else.
She is a bad person/bad friend that's why she's alone
No rebuttal, except, hello hater.
You are probably a jilted friend who yourself committed an act of disloyalty, treason, betrayal so great that I was forced to remove you from my life. As someone that values my friends as highly as any family member and would stick loyally by you through thick and thin, if you are saying I have ever been a bad friend to you, you are evading accountability by playing the victim and smearing me. And when you do this, you show exactly why I was right in making the very hard decision to end the relationship.
She thinks she is above other people
Yes, another discrediting piece of slander hurled at intelligent, independent women who have the audacity to exhibit self-confidence and self-esteem. I am only 5'4. I can't be above everyone.
I never really boast about my accomplishments and actually need to be better at selling myself.
However, when people go out of their way to shade and undermine me, then, of course, I will remind you I am awesome. Get the gun and shoot me.
She is a loner
Refer to, 'She is Lonely', above.
Can I rest my case now?
What kinds of untruths have you heard about yourself? Do other people's opinions bother you - or are you able to just brush it off? Let me know in the comments section below!
And f you are interested in getting additional insight and support, I offer coaching and consultation services at the link below.